Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies

Okay, so my expectations weren't sky-high. I knew this was a shameless cash-in flick, made to make the most of the coming big-budget Abe-vampire-slasher movie. First of all, never mind the silly premise - as one reviewer has already pointed out, when you rent a zombie flick you are by definition suspending disbelief. The story too is engaging enough. It's got everything you need... political intrigue, racism, hookers, old love affairs. It even has some not-very-thinly-veiled historical character references and in jokes. Even the production values are pretty good for a low budget production despite the very mixed abilities of the cast. No, where this film falls down is that it simply doesn't deliver in the way that any decent zombie movie must... blood'n'guts. There just aren't any. Sure we see the occasional head flying around, but where are the intestines? Where are the broom handles through the face? There's also no self-aware comedy value, save for one scene where Lincoln shouts 'emancipate this' as he lops the head off another unfortunate zombie. So, my suggestion is avoid unless you really are a die-hard zombie fan that absolutely has to see every zombie film, good or bad.

I know The Asylum is known for cheap low budget knock-off mock-buster so I didn't really expect much going in. I had also heard that this was their best movie in the catalog so I gave it a chance. Hopes were moderate that it would be decent until the first zombie fight. *********************SPOILERS**************************************** A zombie that fights back? OK fine maybe he was still turning but that first encounter already turned me off. The fake make-up, wigs, mustaches and beards were all laughably fake looking, especially the generals. There is NO sense of urgency when they fight the zombies, and it even seems like the zombies are scared of them last half of the movie. At least 3 zombies noticeably back away, or take their time getting to their victims. During the moments leading up to the end it was basically a zombie killing spree as the zombies apparently sleep until a really loud noise wakes them up. ******************************END SPOILERS****************************** I can go on but really, there's not point. I understand its a low budget cash in project like all the other movies from The Asylum and you can't really expect much, which I didn't and even with the low expectations I had I couldn't be prepared for such a bad movie.

After watching the movie, you will come across with a question of "why I have wasted my time ?". The actors are playing artificially (nothing is going on its nature). Scenario is not meaningful and there is no philosophy (i.e. something brilliant and novel about the zombie concept). The movie aims just to kill zombies. The main focuses of the movie are spilling lot of blood and cutting the heads.. The soldiers around the President are programmed to behave just like CIA agents in modern movies (i.e. which is the funniest side of the movie -"yes sir yes sir"-). Another strange point can be given about the Lincoln. Why he is chosen as zombie hunter is another mystery. Is this choice indicating that only the president can save the "world's" people from zombies and enemies ?. I am advising to you that you should not waste your time. Instead, you can read the book about the Abraham Lincoln.

Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies makes it two one-star films in two days. All is not good in the world of The Squiss. However, there are vast differences between the states of Iron Sky (yesterday's one-star film) and Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies, not least of all the budget. That Iron Sky had just under $9.5m compared to ALVZ's budget of $150,000 at least makes most of the latter's mistakes forgivable if not watchable. The lack of budget makes the anachronisms understandable; it's very difficult to ensure the sets are perfectly authentic when the budget forces the use of available locations rather than custom-built sets. Believable prosthetics also cost mucho $$$ and so head of make-up Renonda Anderson makes the most of her greasepaint and fake blood. Her work qualifies for a C+ but it's a pity director Richard Shenkman didn't take Spielberg's Jaws approach of showing as little as possible so as to make the rubber shark more menacing. What is unforgivable, and completely unrelated to budget, is the poor, and at time shocking, acting from principals and background artists alike. There isn't even any consistency with the movement of the zombies and that would have instantly improved the viewing experience. There's an awful lot of hamming it up and even more instances of walk, talk, turn head, talk, facial expression, talk… Yes, there are some god-awful amateurs out there, and I've received some quality hate mail from reviews and features I've published in the past highlighting them (if demand is high, I'll re-publish them on this blog sometime), and the majority of Abraham Lincoln vs Zombie's cast is equal to them. Whilst there is variation in the performances, the variety on offer is ham, wooden, awkward and dire and there are slipped accents aplenty. The exception, thank goodness, is Bill Oberst Jr. playing the titular character. He's not famous, he isn't mind-blowingly good and according to his IMDb page has worked since 2007 largely playing unnamed or single-monikered characters in short films and individual episodes of TV series. However, with 18 projects in pre-production, post-production or awaiting release Oberst Jr. must be doing something right and is quite likely to continue working for a while yet. While Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies is a dreadful film, because of the ineptitude surrounding him, Oberst Jr. stands head and shoulders, both literally and figuratively, above his fellow cast members. What else is wrong with it? How long do you have, or rather, how much interest do you have in it? It isn't graded properly, it jars with the period, the sound mix is poor, the editing is lazy and the timing is mostly awful. It looks as cheap as it is but I'm giving it two stars (rather than nowt) because Shenkman has made the best of the shoddy materials on offer. He's only getting two stars, though, because he could have found better actors at the local high school and even Barbara Cartland could have written a more dramatic screenplay despite being more dead and less animated than the zombies on screen. That said, Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies could turn out to be a very good calling card for Shenkman, for all its stodge. Just look what A Fistful of Fingers did for Edgar Wright. Now there's a man who knows how to shoot zombies! Another film review from The Squiss. For more reviews from The Squiss subscribe to my blog at www.thesquiss.co.uk