Terror Train

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Wow...bad, predictable writing and terrible acting are the headliners in this remake of the the original movie. The ridiculous need to focus on checkboxes, and demonizing certain people is laughable and pathetic at the same time. The lack of original storytelling or any memorable charachters really brings this down a notch. The generic low quality kills and poor effects add to an already sub par outing. The whole clown thing is so unoriginal and so early 90s. Another example of a decent movie being turned into a predictable and uninspiring remake, and missing on all marks. Do yourself a favor watch The Terrifier series of films to see how a slasher movie should be done.

The original "Terror Train" is actually a pretty forgettable slasher if you ask me. It seems to be well remembered though, and I wonder if that's because it stars the undisputed scream queen, Jamie Lee Curtis. I'm surprised it took so long for them to remake it, therefore. Everything gets a remake and a reboot and a "requel" in this day and age. The phrase that there is nothing new under the sun has never been more apparently true than it is in the world of film in the new millennium. There are worse remakes out there than this "Terror Train". The late Tobe Hooper's take on "Toolbox Murders", no great shakes itself, was painfully bad. However it is hard to think of a movie more forgettable than this. The only part of the movie I liked was one amusing character, who I thought might be like the Jamie Kennedy character in "Scream", but then the idiot filmmakers killed him off. Other than that I just wasn't able to pay attention to "Terror Train". It never interested me at all.

This updated version of Terror Train sticks pretty close to the original script. There's slight updates indicating why no one can call for help in the age of cell phones. The cast of unsuspecting college students is annoying. They don't have redeemable qualities, and I don't think one was likable. That leaves the viewer rooting for the dark magician, who makes up for the lack of charisma from the other characters. Tim Rozon, from Schitt's Creek plays the magician, and literally, he brings enough to the table that you hope he's the villain, only this time, the villain is more like Robin Hood, saving the audience from the other dreadful characters. While this film is not a must see, Tim Rozon proves his magnetic presence wasn't just a fluke in Schitt's Creek. He could read from the dictionary, and every syllable he recites would make viewers sigh.